A long time ago I fancied I wanted to make dolls. I spent a lot of time looking for ideas and patterns from other doll makers. Most of what I found was in the Holliday editions of Better Homes and Gardens and McCall Magazines. There were usually loads of projects that almost always included dolls to make and other delightful toys. Since I was already making many of my clothes, I’d transferred my knowledge from sewing clothes to more three-dimensional projects like stuffed teddy bears and dolls. I was hooked and everyone in the family was gifted at least one of my creations whether it was a stuffed animal or a doll.
Taking that First Step
As I got better at making my dolls, I thought more about designing my own patterns. I went through a lot of paper and fabric in those early days figuring out the basics and how to build on what I already knew. For me, it was slow going as this pre-dates computers and the Internet. Eventually, I came up with my first real doll pattern, Zelda. I thought it would be a relatively easy project. Not at all! First of all, there weren’t too many adult cloth doll patterns out there at the time that I started making dolls. Google hadn’t been invented and if the doll patterns weren’t published in one of the magazines I got or in a book carried by the local library I wouldn’t know about them. The market was full of baby and child-type doll patterns but not too many that were adult and female by design. It wasn’t until much, much later that I found some absolutely wonderful doll artists with incredible backgrounds in the arts that demonstrated how to manipulate fabric in such a way to incredible effect.
Learning Other Skills
Photographing each step was not considered an option at that time. It was very expensive to put together a pattern back then, especially with photographs. And color was only used for the pattern cover if I could afford the printing. It was no wonder that many patterns seemed vague or incomplete when it came to instructions and illustrations. Unless you had a solid background in sewing you were left scratching your head about what piece went where or connected someplace else. So, hand-drawn illustrations had to convey my intent, and the more the better as I saw it. Unlike today, plugging in illustrations had to be planned in advance of where the instructional text would be. Sometimes I think more creative energy was given over to planning out the pattern and instruction layout than the pattern itself. Scanning wasn’t even a pipe dream at that point.
A Different Direction
At this point, I was placing ads in doll and craft magazines and selling just enough patterns to cover my immediate costs. I had no clue about how to market my product. I just followed what everyone else was doing at the time, as I saw it. It wasn’t until a friend of mine who worked with court referrals asked me about making therapy dolls for her did a change happened.
She worked in domestic violence and child sexual abuse and asked me if I could come up with a “family” of dolls she could use with her clients to gather evidence in abuse cases and for therapy. I was soon taking orders to make dolls for the courts, therapists, and police departments in Los Angeles and Orange Counties, California. Eventually, I put the patterns together for sale and ceased making the dolls myself. I went back to designing more doll patterns and eventually was making a name for myself, connecting with like-minded doll makers and exploring new avenues for doll making. I was committed to making dolls and connecting with others. I loved it and couldn’t get enough of it. My children had started school so there was more time to devote to the process and connect with others.
Life Events Take Over
More changes and I had to back out of doll making as a business altogether. I went from a nice home to a tiny trailer taking the bus to waitress jobs to make ends meet until I could get myself a full-time job and eventually get back on my feet. Well-intended friends encouraged me to let go of doll-making altogether as, in their eyes, it was associated with a past life and had no place in my new life. Silly me, I believed them and purged just about everything left of my doll-making past. But not all of it. I couldn’t give up the part of me that had nothing to do with a dissolved marriage, but I also knew that I had to make a living that would enable me to support my family in the short term. So, I did what I had to do and my doll patterns, my sketches, and my ideas took a back seat for many years.
It’s a good thing I didn’t take my friends’ advice completely to heart because although my business ceased I could never just stop making dolls. They were few and far between and eventually, I joined doll making groups and started getting plugged back into the groove.
Balance is More than Getting a Doll to Stand on its Own
Many years ago I was a doll maker with a little business selling doll patterns to people through magazine ads. This was my job and I really enjoyed it. However, things changed and I had to put my little doll business aside and secure outside employment that would bring in a steady and predictable income to meet my expenses. My dream, at the time, was to pick up where I left off with my doll business while working that full-time job. I hadn’t factored in all the other stuff that happens causing a shift in priorities over time, like being a single parent with two kids, or deciding to go back to graduate school in the hopes of better job opportunities, or relocating multiple times for those better economic opportunities. Looking back now, I’m surprised there was any time left at the end of the month to make even a single doll. But I found time to join a doll club here and there to keep my hand in and sell a few finished pieces at local craft fairs. Even though I couldn’t make a living with my doll making, I couldn’t give it up completely either.
Eventually, some of my doll making friends encouraged me to get back into it more fully; designing more patterns for sale and teaching classes. I did this for a while, but it became too exhausting to work the full-time job and build up my doll making presence again. More importantly, the new big assist to all this was creating a website to showcase the finished work and as a platform for selling products and classes in person and online. It wasn’t until very recently that I put up my own blog/website and maintained an Etsy page. I have discovered to my chagrin that this can be its own full-time endeavor.
The Wisdom Gained from Age
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve discovered some very important things about myself. I can still create and do it in very small spaces. I can only do so much in the few hours available between everything else and this is okay. When I can afford it, I will take a doll-making class to re-connect with old friends and learn great new stuff. But most importantly, no matter what, I still love creating and making dolls and this is how I express myself.
Today I mostly make dolls for myself and commissioned pieces. Each piece takes a while to complete and is worked on when I have large blocks of time to devote to the project, which is almost exclusively on weekends. My “day job” takes me out of the home for 12+ hours each day and when I get home there are other things to do. Bedtime comes quickly so weekends are gold for creating new things, finishing doll projects, and connecting up with my dollmaker friends.
I have been my own source of income most of my adult life relying on that paycheck to cover expenses and when an unexpected expense popped up it would mean sacrificing someplace else. Some pretty hard choices were made along the way and sometimes that included letting go of cherished dreams. What I didn’t know then but I do now, is that letting go of a dream in the past doesn’t mean it can’t be rekindled now and pursued.
My goal now is to put out a blog about once a month on various topics related to doll making. These are my musings on issues I’ve come across over the years that nobody else has tackled, so I am. Other areas include a gallery of what I’ve recently been working on and a blog I do about Restorative Justice. My Etsy page contains all my patterns as they were originally published and my favorite commission piece, The Blind Men’s Elephant. My intent is to add more pieces for commission and delve back into some of those old sketches and put out a few new patterns as time permits. I don’t think I’ll run out of ideas or projects any time soon.
With my children grown and other obligations resolved, I have found a more peaceful balance between my priorities (covering those monthly expenses) and my dreams (reconnecting more fully with my dollmaking). Thanks to the Internet, I’ve tapped into some wonderful resources that have helped me shift my perspective about what is really important to me and realize I have the luxury to see the day job as an opportunity and resource that feeds my passion for doll making and explore more fully that creative side of me. Rather than wishing I could retire from the workforce and devote myself full-time to doll making, I see the regularity of that paycheck as a blessing that I intend to take full advantage of for as long as I can.
